Dysphoria

Still part of that AU. Technically my general headcanon, but honestly more focused on the AU.
First Rob: starryoak.deviantart.com/art/F…
Second Rob: starryoak.deviantart.com/art/S…
Final Rob: starryoak.deviantart.com/art/F…
I mentioned having a bit of a FTM headcanon for Rob. Personally, it comes from, admittedly, his feminine appearance in season 1, but also because in the transition from 3d design to 2d, Rob's design got far more masculine, and I essentially had an idea for exploring the idea of someone who already had gender identity issues going through a transformation that leaves him genderless and how that might work. Some of the notes on the change from season 1 to season 2/3 is that Rob's chest originally is much less flat, actually bulging out a little. As well as a general expression that gave me the idea that he wasn't happy, even though he did smile, the waving look just felt a bit sad... and his insistence on what his name is could be another thing something that stuck out to me. And the idea that he was already having issues, but overcoming them... only to be destroyed utterly by The Void tearing his body apart, with a body that doesn't qualify as any gender whatsoever. Just a glitched up mess. And with most of his memories lost, having not had the realization of who he was in the AU fully, bits and pieces are all he has. So just slowly remembering things would leave him even more confused, from what he is now to what he was then, generally.... the idea of him trying to figure out exactly what he was, and what he is now, without memories or anyone who knew him before to help him, besides the bits and pieces that come vaguely, it intrigues me. Just what is he? Just who was he? How does this sense of being uncomfortable in his body feel familiar, when it can't be, considering his body now is just so different... when he remembers two different identities, one where he's one or another, but now he's neither. He remembers being a girl, but feeling uncomfortable and uncertain, he remembers being a boy, but then there's what he is now. He's not any gender at all. His body is warped and simplified to the point where there's really not much in the way of any features, gender or much more than the basics. And he's confused. He's pretty sure he feels like a boy, but it is still confusing when you have... well, a very confusing history that you can't remember, and a present that's pretty confusing.
Nicole has been his go to person for most things whenever he feels like he needs advice, mostly because she's the least stupid person in the house, not exactly ready to consider her a mom, but certainly the person he's living with and the one he assumes is the best person to ask about things. He would ask Anais, but she's younger, inexperienced, and also a bit distracted by his general nature and thinks of him as an anomaly, which really wouldn't help. Nicole is unfortunately lacking in advice, but would lend it if she could. All her opinion is that if he feels like a boy, then he is. Which is comforting, but still, he can't help but think about it. If only because it's just a confusing situation
.... Just a thing... Please don't murder me. I'm really fragile. I'm sorry for having an idea on a subject like this, and I really don't want to offend people with or otherwise mess up a very important to not mess up subject. I don't really know if I feel comfortable writing a fic about it considering I just don't have any experience, but it would be something I sort of consider canon to the AU but not something I'm really going to write... because I just don't have the experience nor ever have, nor the courage or stupidity to write about of something I'm not and shouldn't assume about. So.... yeah... It's more of something I've thought about but don't have the confidence to actually explore beyond laying out the idea. While tumblr's been interested in the AU, I'm not sure I'm ready to put it there, because Tumblr is a place that really frightens me sometimes, if only because it makes me frightened of my own opinions and my moral standings, which is a trigger for me, so.... I'm going to keep this on deviantart for a while because of that.